Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
