when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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