well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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