If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
