Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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