I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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