STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
