guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How does it feel to date your dad?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
