1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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