I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize