i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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