I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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