it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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