so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
