Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
