Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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