Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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