She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
