I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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