My friends, they love my intelligence
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
