I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
