why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
