I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
