you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
