I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
