Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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