Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
