found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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