he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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