We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
