I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
