He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize