i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My cat gives me a boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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