My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
