i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
