i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do herpes really smell.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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