Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize