K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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