why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
