whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
