I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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