when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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