I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
