she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
