hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
