Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
