How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
