evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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