I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
