I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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