I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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