I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
