New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
