how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
