Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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