The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
