just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
