I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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