Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
