If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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