With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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