We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
