I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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