She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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