my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
