i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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