Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
