I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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