So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
