whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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