3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
