I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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