Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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