I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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