No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
