is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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